Pros
I
knew with all of my heart at an early age that the Church of Jesus Christ of
Latter Day Saints is true. This became my rock, my foundation, and the light
and hope that I desperately held onto throughout the lows in life.
Despite
my parents repeating over and over again how much they wanted and loved me, I
couldn’t get over the fact that the woman who gave me life, didn’t.
I
had a chance to go away for college. I ended up going to Greeley Colorado.
Since my mom had taken in her aunt there would be very few, if any, visits from
her or dad. Having an old person with Alzheimer’s in the house = sooo not fun
and tons of responsibility!
College,
where my life took a huge turn. I experienced the regular culture shock of
being on my own, away from any family, to make my own choices, to learn, and to
grow. Thank goodness for phones and phone cards (I didn’t have a cell phone
yet, but dad got me one for my eighteenth birthday).
I
was sitting on my bed playing cards with two of my friends when I got a phone
call that would change my life. My oldest sister, Morgan, was so stinking
excited. She discovered that my brother had received a letter from our birth
mom. He’d been hiding it for I don’t know how long. She’d found it on the
basement stairs where he stowed some of his belongings (his room was in the
basement). There was a number.
So
Morgan dials the number and hands the phone to Chad. Candace picked up. I was
terrified, excited, nervous… Too many emotions for one to use any ounce of
logic or reasoning.
She
verbally reiterated that she didn’t want me. Never did. Had she found out about
me in time she would’ve had an abortion. No hard feelings. No love. Just matter
of fact like.
She’d
contacted us because of our little sister, Misty, who wanted to meet her older
sister, mwah. She’d been through a lot and thought that I’d certainly been
through what she’d been through, especially since she too was adopted.
My
chin hit the ‘Talk’ button, hanging up my side of the conversation. I tried to
call back my brother, but he didn’t answer. Turned out he wanted to talk to
Candace alone.
I
knew about Misty. My social worker had called my dad just before we moved to
Colorado. Misty was in the hospital for the same reason I was. There was just
no way we could stay. My dad was in the Air Force. He got a job in Colorado.
He’d found a place for us to stay.
So
how are these pros? Candace, unlike my mom, was devoid of emotions. This put a
piece of the puzzle firmly into place. My family LOVES me. Every positive thing
my mom and dad had ever done for me was solidified.